Pirates Make GF

For only the second time in fourteen seasons the Pirates have made the DMG Grand Final after soundly defeating second placed Shazam 49 points to 23 on Monday night. The Pirates worked their way out of the gates slowly scoring just four points in the opening ten minutes thank s to a free-throw from Todd Read More …

Big Three Announce Exit

With the end of the season in sight, three of the team’s powerhouses: Vice President Geoff Kleinbrenner, Captain Daniel Lillicrap and Senior Correspondent for the Pirates, Trent Stockman, have announced their imminent departure from the Club after seven years at the helm. Lillicrap had this to say at a shock press conference: “This was always Read More …

Close Calls and Cereal Wars

A network failure by a major communications provider almost cost the Pirates a forfeit against ACTID just as a dismal second quarter almost cost them the game as a slew of unforced errors gave possession and points to the boys in blue. Off the court, tensions have been brewing amongst members of the Pirates squad Read More …

Music Stops for Shazam

In a strange coincidence, both the forthcoming sequel to Kazaam, Shazam starring Shane Battier from the Miami Heat, and the American Movil backed, Canberra based basketball team, Shazam, were halted in their tracks on Monday night, the former due to budget cuts and the latter due to the musical stylings of the Pirates Basketball Club. Read More …

No Sting in the Ring

While most Pirates fans were busy celebrating San Antonio’s 5th NBA Championship, the Pirates themselves were forced to contain their party attitude and play-out their match against the Ring Stingers. The only people not in a party mood were the dozen or more protestors from the Westboro Baptist Church who mistakenly travelled 12,000km to protest Read More …

Cummins and Goings of the Badgers

The hype surrounding the much anticipated match-up between the Pirates and the Honey Badgers essentially fizzled out as the Pirates found a way to dominate from start to finish against the under-strength Badgers. Fans flocked from all across the country to see the Badgers take on the Pirates and left disappointed with the performance of Read More …

Broken Ankle

Somewhere deep inside the Pentagon, a junior Air-Force officer ran through the corridor toward the Defence Secretary’s office, dodging the regular foot traffic that abounds in a building of approximately 26,000 employees. Bursting through the door and interrupting an important meeting, Chuck Hagel looked up from his desk and caught the panting face of the Read More …

North, East, South & West, Pirates Are Still The Best

By all accounts, it was the game of the season so far in the DMG on Monday night when the North South Ballers challenged the Pirates in a demonstration of good sportsmanship that had razzle, dazzle and just a little bit of frazzle. Once again the Pirates took their time getting warmed up in the Read More …

Cobras Sweep The Leg

When knowing is half the battle, the other half is red and blue lasers, neither of which the Pirates had in any great quantity in their battle against G.I. Joe’s sworn enemy, Cobra on Monday night. Despite the fact that the Pirates took an early 8 to 1 lead in the first quarter and the Read More …

Operation Ball of Duty

The Pirates commenced Operation Ball of Duty on Monday night with the objective of clearing the basketball court of enemy combatants. Trouble was that firstly, they were almost overwhelmed by the enemy and that secondly, there was no real enemy, just the good people from Ball of Duty who showed they aren’t the easy-beats from Read More …